Principles of Nonharm/Nonviolence Applied to Marriage and Relationships

  margaret's musings on....the Principles of Nonharm/Nonviolence Applied to Marriage and Relationships

     I have been trying now for 25 years to convince premarital  couples that one of their purposes in marriage is to be part of the "healing" to the holes in the souls of their partners.  I try to persuade them in the concepts of nonharm, to become Jesus' hands, feet, and voice, to their mate.  My rationale says that people have been hurt enough by the time they get to us, so can we just commit not to rip and tear and gouge their wounds, but be part of the healing balm in their lives?  It is found in the Biblical principle of letting our words and actions edify (build up) each other rather than tearing down?

Though not a perfect man, but a fallen human, Martin Luther King, Jr. has long held a place of honor in my heart as he put forth and lived by a central principle:  nonviolence and 'nonviolent resistance."  The core of his teaching was the power of love as a change agent.  He believed it to be the most influential change agent.  There were 6 pivotal points to his philosophy:

      1.  The stance of nonharm is courageous, requiring emotional and spiritual strength to "stand" against injustice.

      2.  The person taking the stance of nonharm seeks to understand his oppressor, not to shame him.

      3.  the nonviolent person keeps focus on the inherent evil, not the person or people who do evil.

      4.  Nonviolent resistance commits to accept suffering without retaliation.

      5.  God is always on the side of truth and will ultimately bless those on the side of truth.

     6.  And the central point is that love can conquer bitterness and hatred.

Years before King's philosophy was articulated, the words to "Were You there When They Crucified My Lord" were sung by a group of American blacks to Gandhi, setting off an internal explosion in his own soul.  At the end, he said:  "Perhaps it will be through the Negro that the unadulterated message of nonviolence will be delivered to the world."  For Gandhi, the philosophy of "ahimsa" did not mean mere peacefulness of the absence of nonviolence, but was used to denote active love. Gandhi believed that ahimsa is the most powerful force in existence.

   

     This all seems consistent to the greatest teacher ever on the earth.  Jesus:  "and now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.'  And the words of John ring out, "He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him."  In the famous Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "But I say to you who hear:  love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.  To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also.  And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either."  What a radical teaching!

     My focus right not is not necessarily on taking the path of nonviolence in the face of oppression.  My focus is on taking the stance of nonharm and nonviolence, "active love" if you will, with those we are in relation, especially marriage.  What would nonharm look like in marriage:  It would be the opposite of active harm for sure.  Active harm is cutting, biting words.  It is gouging with sharp sarcasm, it is mocking, it is calling attention to weakness.  It is shaming.  it is intimidating, being forceful, and threatening.  It is screeching out of the driveway.  passive harm, which is more often the "Christian" way, is cold and withholding.  It might be silence, silence that I call quiet violence.  it might be ignorming, walking away, and shutting down.

      God's legacy of one of longsuffering, tender love (read Song of Solomon), pursuit, serving (taking up the towel), amazing love and amazing love.  Even the physicians take the Hippocratic oath which includes the heart of nonharm.  So the encouragement is , when in relationship, dedicate yourself to be a blessing, not a curse.  It is not a cure, but a way of life.